I have a HS event where I have to hold a guy’s arm, my mom doesn’t like it. What do I do?

Salaam alykum,

I’ve written several answers to your question, with various levels of sarcasm, cynicism, and typical old man views of things. In my defense, I’m 25, and I hang around my dad too much. So, this is my distilled, nice and non-offensive answer:

If something like this is really going to bother your mother, and that it’s something that she’s freaking out about, then humor her, and don’t put your hand on the guy’s elbow. Make fun of her later, when you’re graduating from college (insha Allah) and she’ll romanticize your upbringing and allow you to joke with her about these issues.

Muslims are constantly made to feel awkward about the way we do things, but, what I personally realized is that, if you simply sit back and look at the way the white people do things, you really have no reason to feel awkward. (I mean “white” as Malcolm X did, here, “white is not a color, it is a state of mind”)

Don’t worry about this. Don’t try to convince her. I feel like this isn’t worth your energy to “try and convince her,” because you have to pick your battles, and believe me, this isn’t one of them.

Everything in this world, and especially in high school, is only as awkward as you make it. Look, high school really doesn’t matter, and no one is going to care, and if they do, then let them consume themselves with high school, because they’re peaking.

This is graduation, and again, high school doesn’t matter, rock college, if you need to go to grad school for what you want to do, crush that as well, worry about your GPA not what is “awkward,” because that doesn’t matter. You don’t get jobs, careers, or find genuine people by worrying about whether you’re being awkward or not, you do it by being true to yourself and putting your future before anything. So focus on that, because it would be so much worse to fight with your mom over something that, in the not-so-distant future you’re going to think was stupid and I promise you’ll regret fighting with your mom over.

To review, forget about high school, get a nasty GPA in college, and subsequent grad schools (if necessary); everything else is just a bonus, and frankly, if you put your social relationships above your academics, you’re the only person who gets hurt, because your friends won’t be able to beef up your resume, only you can.

I realize I sound like a Muslim Schmidt from “New Girl” or a Halal Barney Stinson, but, please, take my advice, let it go, and focus on being a boss. It’ll make your mom happier, too. Khadija was a boss, and she snagged The Prophet, so…

Insha Allah, I hope I answered your question, and I hope that if you, or anyone else, has a question on this, or any other topic, please do not hesitate to ask me.